You don't know...

You know the old saying, "You don't know what you've had until you've lost it?" I always use to think that I understood the saying quite clearly. Though, I realise now that I didn't understand it to it's fullest. I'd never concidered I could have lost anything, or anyone, and felt so broken and tattered inside. Especially when I still have 'It'...in a sence.

All it takes is a few moments or words. And in the blink of an eye and a heart beat later, the world silently crumbles around you. As much as you may try to laugh it off with half hearted jokes, whether to keep a smile on your face or theirs, or insist it doesn't bother you with ignorence or assurence. Either way, it still bothers us. No matter how much we may or may not see it or try to hide it.

In the end, once the item is lost, it is gone forever. And what ever in it was held dear to you..or to it..is irreplaceable.

The phrase holds true. Even to I whom honestly have never felt enough to feel such great aching. Never felt so confused and wretched when realitly crashed hard like shatter glass. To this moment, since just those days ago, I am still confused as to whether this is some cruel joke, or if reality has finally come to pay it's dues.

Much as I desire to deny the truth and pretend as I have since always, nothing can ever compare to the pain of guilt and regret. Even if, through their eyes, I am innocent to the cause of their own heart ache.

Days drift in and fade out as time looses us. Keep up, while you still can....

Because....

....You don't know what you have until you've lost it.

...Until it's gone.